Who Killed Doctor Carmilla?

Please wait. Accessing witness accounts. Playback:

1. The King of Clubs

What? You’re seriously asking if I killed Dr Carmilla? Come on, you know me! Would I do something like that? Well, I didn’t. I think I know who did, though. You know this is only an idea, right? Don’t know for sure. You won’t tell Jonny this either? No, it is important. That’s the whole point, if when he gets pissed off like that I have no plans to be on the wrong side of him… Ah, what the fuck. You must have seen that he’s been challenging the Doctor more and more? Yeah. I reckon he’s been waiting to take over from day one. He’s that kinda guy. So he must have taken the opportunity when he saw it and pushed her into that airlock. Unless he finished her off first and just got clean of the body? I dunno. But I reckon he murdered her for sure. Why don’t you ask him?

2. The Red Joker

Don’t be an idiot. You know the doc’s always been a bit loopy, but why would I pick now to give her a well-deserved spacekick? I’ve seen her meditating in the airlock before, so maybe something malfunctioned or one of the bots opened it to clean it out? You’d have to ask them, though, I’m afraid. But really, dear, think about this for a moment. Do I have an alibi? No. Have I been laughing like a maniac who’s just flushed his infuriating creator into the abyss? No. I couldn’t give less of a shit who it was, praise be to them and I’m in command now. Case closed.

3. The Jack of Diamonds

The Doctor? Doctor Who? Fell out of an airlock you say! How dreadful. Dreadfully careless, you know. Always was, the old bean. Would always leap without looking, and I told him to be more careful, don’t you know, but he never listens to anyone. And now he’s fallen out of an airlock! Ah well. Maybe it will do the old fellow some good to get out of his room for a bit, get some fresh air, see the sights, wot! Bit of fresh air never did anybody any harm. That’s what Ashes always says. I’m sorry, ma’am? No I don’t know. Are talking about the same person? No idea! Not a jot!

4. The Ace of Hearts

There has been no malfunction. I would feel any malfunction, it would hurt. I am the only person who could cause a malfunction and that would hurt too. I do not think I killed Dr. Carmilla. No I am not always in complete control of Aurora. No I do not like Dr. Carmilla. I would prefer her to be in the vacuum. Not Aurora. I was inside Aurora’s veins when it happened. I will not tell you why. Aurora would be upset.

5. The Ace of Clubs

I will not point fingers and lay blame. I do not know how it came to pass that Dr. Carmilla left this vessel, whether by fair means or foul, and so I will not engage in this painful discussion. I hope she did not suffer, and that we may forgive the perpetrator of this deed.

6. The Queen of Diamonds

Dr. Carmilla is not dead. [What?] Given her biological variances there is a 98% chance rounding down that she could survive in deep space for a considerable period of time. [Shit. Nastya, how soon can we get out of here?] [Why would you want to get away so fast, eh, Jonny?] [Fuck’s sake Ashes, does it matter which of us killed her? When she gets back she’s going to be pissed. I don’t know if she can kill us any more than we can, but I don’t intend to find out. You?] [Point taken.] [Nastya?] [It is done.]

Cease playback.