Teatime With The Kaiser

So Gunpowder Tim cut a bloody red path
Through cannon and infantry, dealing his wrath
Battalions were mustered, and charged with his destruction
But all of them fell to his maddened corruption
But all things must end, and Tim’s luck ran dry
As a Lenny lined his rifle up and let the lead fly
And when he awoke, he was chilled to the bone
Kneeling, unarmed, at the Moon Kaiser’s throne
And the Kaiser just smiled, with his crown all askew
Saying, “Well now my friend, it’s a pleasure to meet you
I hear you’ve made a habit of hacking up my boys
So I’ll return the favour, with what means I can employ
An extended execution, by royalty appointed
And I warn you, the last one left me very disappointed”
Then the Kaiser opened up a box and showed young Tim my head
Fresh-severed, but I winked at him – I guess I wasn’t dead!
Seeing there was hope for him, Tim looked around the room –
The Toy Soldier, in uniform, with a royal guardsman’s plume
Accidentally, it had joined the Kaiser’s personal guard
But it still followed any order, if you gave it nice and hard
Across the room, the great gun stood, aimed right at London Town
Tim had his plan and he prepared to bring the despot down
And with the lunar cannon loaded and the fuse prepared to light
Tim looked the Soldier in the eye and gave the order: “Fight!”
Chaos came to the Kaiser’s men, the violence quick and mad
As the wooden man obeyed the mission briefing that it had
I spun my severed head and bit the Kaiser on the nose
He screamed in shock and dropped me, so I went after his toes
Confusion reigned, Tim took his leave and ran towards the gun
And spun the dial so right around the cannon barrel swung
He didn’t know the firing codes, it wouldn’t stop him long
For the brutal hymn of gunpowder remained his favourite song
So with a barrel from the armory he set the fuse alight
And fled into the lifepod where the Kaiser spent the night
The pod was sealed hard against the force of twenty suns
But Tim couldn’t get the visor closed before the fuse was done
So when the lunar cannon fired and blew the moon out of the sky
The fearsome brightness of the blast burned out our hero’s eyes
And with the force of every weary soldier’s tunnel-bomb
The explosion ripped through the full moon’s heart and like that –
The moon was gone.